i wonder why sometimes i do things and say something i'll regret later. sometimes, i regret even on the silly little things that i shouldn't even be regretting. they say we should let go, but occasionally we can't. i can't.

it feels miserable to feel regrets, something i wish to turn back time just to do it the way i want.
but i can't.

right now it's only affecting me, but what happens if it affects someone else? and the person can only get hurt, worse even still if the person is a close and meaningful person to me. i wonder what would happen then?

perhaps i'm just reading and dwelling it too much since it's been such a long time since i did dwell on something. maybe i shouldn't be so muddled and so morbid. occasionally i can't help it though, cause within my heart, i feel for these things that takes up my preoccupied mind. i guess when it comes it comes.

pride.

damn, sometimes the pride within me may hurt other people and afterwards probably me the most and soon more after that. i wish sometimes i can conquer the pride i have, within me, outside me etc.

it's strange, although recently i ignored my pride and started asking more questions so that i can reduce my ignorance i often get mocked at. which makes me wonder somtimes i should question or just cover up my ignorance, but i figured i won't learn anymore that way.

so i wonder, sometimes who's the one who will gain.

sometimes we're afraid,
but we have to conquer the fear to be better,
then who we are currently.
hard as it may be,
as often we may get laughed and mocked up,
don't give up,
cause then you'll be better then you already are.

sometimes i have to live by my own sentences.

respect.

can we gain or can we not gain?
can we give or can we not give?

respect others and yourself, only then can you help those you want to. value thier opinions like how would you value your own.

a blessing came in disguise to me these few days. a part of me i'll always remember. sometimes, the laughter is the one that brings your toubles away. make it dissapear into a facade and you pause and stop and wonder, which is real?

my answer:
both is.

pain, hardship.
happiness, warmth, comfort.
me, you, us, the world.
it's how we feel what we feel and how we wish to give to take and to receive.

trust, hardest word but one of my ten important values.
we make mistakes, but how do we make it up? we tell truths that are not meant to be told. to forgive or not to forgive? it's up to us, but remember your decisions are the one which will impact others and not to mention yourselves.

'future as it may not bring hope, one faith is love and the other to score.'

freedom is speech of the world, that drag us down to what we are.
love, important and yet the hardest factor of all. do we not say love for free of anger and hatred?
if only we bring about daily that each of us are the same. showing and impacting others with your life. don't be afraid, be there.

brave souls come alive and only then do we inspire to aspire.

thank you.

i have new change in motto: to enjoy life. and to savour each and every moment of it.

this world is filled with unexpected chaos. occasionally enjoying life is probably the easiest thing to be said and yet hardest things to be done. however, i strongly believe it is not the stupidiest thing to come out of one's mouth.

we're constantly worrying about people around us and fate to say the society has come to a state that we have to constantly worry about ourselves. we have to watch our backs, worrying about money, about our lives, sinking into the past, living for the future. there's never a day where we are truly happy.

and no, i don't believe that everyday and every single minute in our life we can be happy, however, what we can enjoy is that every single day as we get up in the wee hours of the morning, every person we encounter(whether good or bad), every show we watch, what we eat, how we travel, every failure we encounter, every sucess we make, we should be glad that we are able to enjoy the lessons learnt.

hard as it may be, sometimes it can't hurt to try.

honestly, do anyone of us out there like and dislike a person so very much? it's confusing and really annoying. this is much a displeasure, and though i don't show much of it, it does have to come a limit.

it's the world really this large in our hands and sometimes we have to debate whether we're really friends?

i've finally come to an understanding of friendship.

it took quite awhile to grasp the knowledge, but yes i did it. sometimes it takes something to hurt you to know, but gain.

it's a comforting thought to have a close friend near you, understanding you all at the same time. not feeling insecure, challenging yourself to be as good as the person, accepting the fact you and your friends are equal despite the differences nothing more and nothing less.

it's like being part of family of an outer family; everybody being around the same age as you without the large generation gap that differentiates you and your parents.

yet i remember how fond i am of my parents, how they let me snag money off them cause they love me, yet i take it with a guilty pinch of salt.

i feel like crying not cause sadness is rolling into tears but rather touched by the heart, it feels warm.

the empty soul that was covered up by a heart.

sometimes it's just best to shut up.

rowing concept of mars.

no pun intended.

sometimes in life, things can't be changed, yet as humans we constantly force it wanting to change it into what we want and how we want. that's why the world is currently in this state.

my mum points out that when we're dead, we can't change the people on who they are, so in the end they have to live thier own lives and continue to be on what they are.

this works for everything, and i guess in the end it's up to us to adapt to it and to tolerate and accept that it is happening. of course the reason why we can't cause we're humans and it is perfectly normal.

it is normal, but at some point of time, we must do it, or else it defeats the purpose of world peace. so we would like to just all polictical talk and no actions? i doubt so, as humans, we must play apart, starting i guess with yourself and your family members.

i'm praying i'l be able to do that soon. :)

tagged replies:
Cel: uh-huh.
Savie: =x
Lavi: exactly why you must train!

i am replying in the reqeust i was asked to by cel. here's the link: http://unwrittenscript.blogspot.com/

to make it brief, she asked me of the sentimentality of presents.
in 100 words? (she wishes)

well i'll tell you my honest feelings about it, there is nothing deep really, just plain simple.

i think it was always there that present should have a sentimental value, but you know as i always say humans don't do what they believe in. i think most people would honestly appreciate presents which somebody wants and not really on what somebody needs. cause it's more significant that thier wishes are fufilled. i guess we can look at it both ways, but either ways are just an opinion. that's to say, i can't really answer the question, cause in the end it's who we really are. it's good that you feel that presents should be from the heart but i know people out there who would tell me it's all bull shit and some of us know that deep down we just want to get a present for the other for just the sake of it.

i guess in a way all of us want to have this feeling that we are actually liked when people give us presents which is why sometimes we ask them to get it for us. reflecting back, i was like that. regrets rush through me, but hey, we move on right?

there are some of course that get presents for others just to hope that they themselves will get presents back. it's only natural and only human, only we ourselves determine it.

we, of course will reach a certain point of time of our old age that we wish that birthdays don't happen anymore.

members of the public, feel free to comment.

i'm better off without the computer. i think i'll stop using so much of the computer and from now on i'll probably only enter my beloved entries once in awhile, pity as it is. i'll cut off my contacts on messenger as well and try my very best to not to come online.

perseverance is what i need the most.

sometimes i wish people will just stop talking. when you want peace somehow you just can't get it. what goes around comes around.

emo zong is not good.

sometimes i feel myself being so clueless and oblivious to the world in the state it is in now. when i think of it, thoughts are rather silly, but honestly, i feel like the world is coming to a natural destruction very soon.

both natural and human made.
the scariest part i would say would be human made.

i guess to all those haven't decided on what to do or how to carry on, appreciate what is around you right now, only then will you able go on.

alright, to those who are enquiring about me going to jc, well the truth is, after thinking and enquring and debating, i've decided i might not go to jc after all. it's stupid really cause i fear i may regret going my stess myself out, but honestly i really know what course i would like to do in poly. talking to my mum about my decision, she says i'll just do whatever i think it's the most suitable for me. i'm glad, but no matter what, i'm still going to work hard.

i know i was ready and all set for the plans, but as i always said, things change. and this would be my probably my last decision. however, i will get a degree and according to my mum she'll give me her full support.

damn, it's times like this i realize i must treat everyone around me better.

why is it that this rush treatment of life is so struck on.

recently i realized that on my way back on trains, somehow the train opposite of mine will always be mockingly empty, well almost empty anyways. whereas mine will be completely full. this applies for all trains and busses wherever i go.

i've been sleeping late again, god i got to learn to sleep early so i won't be such a grouchy bitch in the mornings during school.

am i just being selfish? am i just being something i just want to be and yet don't want to be all at the same time.

no smiles just play.

i feel like killing some of the people daily secretly mentally. sue me for it, but sometimes i just get so annoyed. perhaps it is my pride and arrogance and i constantly look down those i consider below me.

zong is so screwed.

there's this big damn world in front of me. so many things more than, well just me. i guess me is part of the world-well's that's a comforted feeling.

i must remember that, being me is like being part of the world, only then i can change what i want.

oh god, recently it's just about me, me and more me.

i can't help it, i have to cope with it. silence for now people.

ah! can i blame myself? honestly from what i see, sometimes it's a crazy world out there. it's never going to change, it's like a game, everything, life, me, you. i help, i give, i receive, i think, i keep to myself, i'm nochalent, i'm selfish, it's just 'i's' everywhere. it's never a 'we' except just for show in which case i guss it helps this world.

there is good and bad out there. just take your time to explore each component.

i'm feeling naked.

okay, this is so amusing. amazaing how things can change so easily. just when i'm all settled in all my plans, i was given career advice again.

thanks gary, really appreciate it. i'll think about it again. :)

alright, so i finally planned my educational journey. i figured it out today. i mean yeah, i always known what i wanted to do for my future, but honestly it was just the matter on what route to take. deciding on this however, it means i have to work my ass off and to put in extra effort in all my assignments and studying now days. it's crazy, but determined on what i want do for this future of mine, i'm definetly going to aspire myself to do it.

go zong, go!

i'm glad that i finally determined on how am i going to complete my first main big goal, so now i actually have an incentive to work for it. decisions are made by my own, so i'll definetly will not regret it. sure there are doubts here and there, but honestly we'll just live on.

and yes, i do have a back-up plan. but it's the stupidiest back-up plan but i think my mum wishes me for the best.

i've decided i'm going to jc even after all the planning in going everywhere else, but in the end i would go abroad and do my degree, and although my mum says that she'll think about it, i'm about 99% sure that she'll allow me to. (according to the way everytime i asked her what if i failed my exams)

but thinking about the replies, i'm amused at the amount of faith she has on me. which reversing the psychology, shows that she trusts me to a certain extent, (except the stupid things which she can't do as well) which brings me back to the point before.

i told my friends yesturday that i think i'm the only weird one in initiating talks with my mum. but after this, i'm glad i always did.

problem is, my dad. i'm almost 100% sure that he has no idea at all on what i'm planning to do. lack communication between me and him, but i definetly know that he hasn't a slightest idea that i actually have a plan for my future or my ambitions.

good thing about my parents, they don't plan for thier children future, but expect us to plan for our own. geratest gift i receieve in life. don't get me wrong, i really appreciate it.

to my self-esteem: keep in line with others and yourself.

don't rush into things, take it one step at a time, only then will it be acomplished.

tagged replies:
Anastasia: hello! nice of you to drop by :)
Cheryl: hai hai eto, ja neh!

i'm tired of it. i want to stop it but thanks for the encouragements. they helped me a lot.

past few days, my words were really empty. when i reflect it at the end of the day, i felt that there were no meanings in them and certainly no truth. perhaps one or two conversations by night, but definetly not in the day. i'm coping with it.

sometimes we ask for troubles, sometimes troubles come to us.

i declare each and every one of them a learning experience.